How To Pick A Girl’s Present By How Long You’ve Been Hooking Up

One To Two Weeks: A Nice Text

Anything more is going to freak her out. And, let’s be honest, you’re not sure yet whether she’s “that one girl you’re crazy about” or simply “that one crazy girl.”

Three Weeks To A Month: Inexpensive Tickets To Some Event

Find a cool activity and take her on an interesting date. This present alleviates the pressure of exchanging real gifts and makes you look romantic at the same time.

Two To Four Months: A Spa Massage

Massages are a fairly perfect universal girl gift. She loves them, you love hanging out with her after she’s been naked and rubbed down for an hour.

Six Months To A Year: A Weekend Getaway

Go somewhere she’s mentioned before and pack nice wine. If you’re still keeping her as a booty call after six months, avoid contact for the entire month of December.

A Year To Two Years: The Outfit She Tells You To Buy Her

At this point, guessing what she wants is likely no longer a problem.

Two And A Half Years: Jewelry Of Some Kind

Yeah, it’s expensive. Sorry. At least you’re not at…

Three Years: A Ring (Or Breakup Sex)

If she’s been dropping hints, you best be dropping coin.

10 Signs You Suck At Buying Gifts For Your Girlfriend

1. Letting her “finish first” in bed isn’t considered a gift, even if you tie a ribbon around your junk.

2. There’s no such thing as a gift card that you can use to buy gift cards and even if there was it’s still a lousy gift idea.

3. You’ve given her a shirtless, autographed picture of yourself and you’re not Ryan Gosling.

4. She insists that you don’t need to buy her something for Christmas in the middle of January.

5. It’s not a gift if a court is ordering you to give it to her, even if you wrap it.

6. You take the time to buy a nice, tasteful card so you’ll have something to put the receipt in as well.

7. You watch way too many infomercials.

8. You once gave her an “I.O.U.” for a gift and you wrapped it.

9. She still hasn’t redeemed any of the “coupons” you gave her last Christmas, not even the “Good For One Free Naked Backrub” or “Free Sex” ones.

10. You first got to know her while she worked at the mall’s returns desk.


Mansumer Report: Gear for your holiday party hopping.

Since it’s the holiday season, we’re featuring items you can use during your Christmas and New Year’s Eve party hopping. Some items may sound like a bit of a stretch, but you can use anything for partying if you put your mind to it. The products are divided up into three categories: BEING SMART, LOOKING GOOD and GETTING BUZZED. (Please make sure you party responsibly this season and only do so if you’re of legal age.)

The 2013 Gift Guide To Extravagant Tech Gadgets That Guys Want
We’ve covered everything you need to know.

The 2013 Gift Guide To Extravagant Tech Gadgets That Guys Want

We’ve covered everything you need to know.

'Tis the season of giving, but if you're parents are going to get you something anyway—here are six headphones to ask for.