1. Go to customer service and have them announce your GF by the pet name she hates.
2. When you enter a store, tell her, “Oh no, my ex is here.” Then point to a mannequin.
3. Pretend you’re in a doctor’s waiting room. When she comes out ask, “Is it a D cup??”
4. Wander into the women’s dressing room with dark sunglasses and act like you’re blind.
5. When your girlfriend finally comes out, have on a fake, grey beard and say, “You were in there for months!”
6. Play fort inside the clothes rack. If someone asks what you’re doing, say you’re the hanger inspector for the city.
7. Hang out in the kiddie play area and shout “MOMMA!” when she comes looking for you.
8. Create a posse with the other guys waiting near the dressing room for their girlfriends. Call yourselves the “Jeans Dept. Dudes.”
9. Volunteer as official timekeeper for all the hot grandmas race-walking around the mall.
10. When she comes out of the dressing room, be wearing the exact same items. Make sure to say, “It looks good on you, but BETTER on me!”