1. Celebrate so hard the night before, you sleep until the day after.
2. Ask your parents about the story of your conception — when, where and which position — making you not want to think about your birthday (or sex) ever again.
3. Tell everyone you’re gluten-sensitive, so nobody ever surprises you with a cake.
4. Knock your head against the wall until you get short-term amnesia like the guy in “Memento.” Just don’t tattoo "today is your birthday" on your arm beforehand.
5. Live off the grid. Your pet goat and solar power generator don’t care how old you are.
6. On Facebook, change your profile daily so it’s your birthday 365 days per year. People will get the hint eventually and stop wishing you a happy one.
7. Write “Ain’t Nothing But A Number” next to “Age” on all new paperwork.
8. Start a religion that teaches birthdays are sinful, for your soul has always existed.
9. Tell people your birthday is February 29th. At least you don’t have to deal with a party for another four years.