10 Ways To Forget Your Birthday Next Year

1. Celebrate so hard the night before, you sleep until the day after.

2. Ask your parents about the story of your conception — when, where and which position — making you not want to think about your birthday (or sex) ever again.

3. Tell everyone you’re gluten-sensitive, so nobody ever surprises you with a cake.

4. Knock your head against the wall until you get short-term amnesia like the guy in “Memento.” Just don’t tattoo "today is your birthday" on your arm beforehand.

5. Live off the grid. Your pet goat and solar power generator don’t care how old you are.

6. On Facebook, change your profile daily so it’s your birthday 365 days per year. People will get the hint eventually and stop wishing you a happy one.

7. Write “Ain’t Nothing But A Number” next to “Age” on all new paperwork.

8. Start a religion that teaches birthdays are sinful, for your soul has always existed.

9. Tell people your birthday is February 29th. At least you don’t have to deal with a party for another four years.

10. Be born on Christmas.

Manly ornaments to hang from your tree, including beer angels and female under garments. They show your creative side.

Manly ornaments to hang from your tree, including beer angels and female under garments. They show your creative side.

Holiday Drinks That Look Festive But Pack A Christmas Punch
1. Tom & Jerry
The Tom & Jerry is less famous than spiked egg nog, but it shouldn’t be, ‘cause this seasonal sensation is like egg nog on steroids. It tastes like a Christmas milkshake, but older guests will be impressed that Cognac is in the recipe. Just be sure to ask permission before using Dad’s high-end Hennessy.
More drinks at the source.

Holiday Drinks That Look Festive But Pack A Christmas Punch

1. Tom & Jerry

The Tom & Jerry is less famous than spiked egg nog, but it shouldn’t be, ‘cause this seasonal sensation is like egg nog on steroids. It tastes like a Christmas milkshake, but older guests will be impressed that Cognac is in the recipe. Just be sure to ask permission before using Dad’s high-end Hennessy.

More drinks at the source.

10 Worst Holiday Barf Receptacles

1. A Bucket Of Ashes

Definitely avoid vomiting into a bucket of fireplace ashes. The ashes will billow into your face, mid-puke, and since you’re near a blazing hearth, you could potentially burst into flames and be forced to run out of the room on fire, like a stuntman.

2. Christmas Tree Stand

It ruins Christmas if everybody has to watch you kneel on the tree skirt and barf among the branches and sap. “Daddy, why’s the tree shaking and groaning?!” “Oh, that’s just cousin Mark evacuating the entire contents of his stomach onto your Little Tikes Activity Garden.”

3. The Stockings

The stockings have been hung from the chimney with care, which means you need to show a little more respect than to use them as barf receptacles. There are tons of valuable gifts in there, like dental floss, and taffy, and parachute men.

4. Carolers

No matter what, you must resist the temptation to accost neighborhood carolers and barf into their hats, no matter how much they deserve it. (Note: There is nothing wrong, however, with stealing some of their sheet music for use as toilet paper.)

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(Source: guycodeblog.mtv.com)

10 Signs You Suck At Buying Gifts For Your Girlfriend

1. Letting her “finish first” in bed isn’t considered a gift, even if you tie a ribbon around your junk.

2. There’s no such thing as a gift card that you can use to buy gift cards and even if there was it’s still a lousy gift idea.

3. You’ve given her a shirtless, autographed picture of yourself and you’re not Ryan Gosling.

4. She insists that you don’t need to buy her something for Christmas in the middle of January.

5. It’s not a gift if a court is ordering you to give it to her, even if you wrap it.

6. You take the time to buy a nice, tasteful card so you’ll have something to put the receipt in as well.

7. You watch way too many infomercials.

8. You once gave her an “I.O.U.” for a gift and you wrapped it.

9. She still hasn’t redeemed any of the “coupons” you gave her last Christmas, not even the “Good For One Free Naked Backrub” or “Free Sex” ones.

10. You first got to know her while she worked at the mall’s returns desk.

(Source: guycodeblog.mtv.com)