Wanna taste my Pixie Stick?

The Worst Crap You Can Get In Your Halloween Bag
Toothbrushes
School Supplies
Loose Change
Fruit and Nuts
Religious Tracts (Don’t worry, we’re not really ghosts and devils; we just want some freaking Sweet Tarts. Our teeth are rotting, not our souls. Save your fervor for Christmas.)

The Worst Crap You Can Get In Your Halloween Bag

  • Toothbrushes
  • School Supplies
  • Loose Change
  • Fruit and Nuts
  • Religious Tracts (Don’t worry, we’re not really ghosts and devils; we just want some freaking Sweet Tarts. Our teeth are rotting, not our souls. Save your fervor for Christmas.)
How to win at Halloween:
Dress To Impress. If you’re trying to get laid, don’t scare women away with something gory. Play up your manly features.
Keep It Comfortable. Forget trying to be witty—your “cereal killer” costume is funny until you’re re-taping bloody Raisin Bran boxes to your chest all night.
Keep It Timeless. 400 other people will be twerking in a Miley Cyrus outfit this year. If you must dress as a celebrity, choose someone timeless, like Jonas Salk, inventor of the polio vaccine.
Stick To A Budget. That screen-accurate Iron Man suit seemed like a great investment until November 1st when you’re out $4,200.
Eat Wisely. You’re not six anymore. You can’t put away 20 candy bars and snort lines of Pixy Stix. You have work tomorrow.

How to win at Halloween:

  • Dress To Impress. If you’re trying to get laid, don’t scare women away with something gory. Play up your manly features.
  • Keep It Comfortable. Forget trying to be witty—your “cereal killer” costume is funny until you’re re-taping bloody Raisin Bran boxes to your chest all night.
  • Keep It Timeless. 400 other people will be twerking in a Miley Cyrus outfit this year. If you must dress as a celebrity, choose someone timeless, like Jonas Salk, inventor of the polio vaccine.
  • Stick To A Budget. That screen-accurate Iron Man suit seemed like a great investment until November 1st when you’re out $4,200.
  • Eat Wisely. You’re not six anymore. You can’t put away 20 candy bars and snort lines of Pixy Stix. You have work tomorrow.