- Fatty Foods
- Watching Sports
1. You still haven’t forgiven the 1998 Chicago Bulls for trading Scottie Pippen.
2. You still have a Michael Jordan “Wingspan” poster in your room.
3. You sent a “Get Well Soon” card to Kobe Bryant.
4. You’ve angrily thrown more jerseys into the snow than this Knicks fan.
5. You own a starter jacket with every NBA team’s patch on it.
6. You have a fantasy Dream Team league every Olympics.
7. Dennis Rodman might be a crazy North Korean sympathizer now, but he’ll always be “The Worm” to you.
8. You keep saying “look out for Anthony Davis!” even when New Orleans isn’t playing.
9. When you’re not watching basketball, you’re simulating a whole season in “NBA2k14.”
10. This song makes you want to have passionate sex.
+ Started four years at the St. Joseph’s College
+ Played all five positions
+ Averaged 15.4 points per game over his four-year collegiate career
+ Scored 1,865 career points and set school record (no other player has come within 500 points of that)
+ Named USCAA All American his junior and senior years
+ Played professionally in Europe after graduating
Every basketball fan knows the box score only tells half the story. Here are Distefano’s “intangibles” that make him an invaluable celebrity all star teammate:
+ Holds the St. Joseph’s record for Most Games Benched For Not Bringing His Shorts (making his career stats even more impressive)
+ Voted Most Stylish by his teammates for his unique home and away jersey/shorts combinations
+ Holds the school record for Most Toilets Clogged Before Games
+ Watched his father be thrown out of a record 48 games in a row (passion for basketball is in Chris’s blood)
+ Frequently missed throwing paper cups into the garbage after scoring over 20 points (making his teammates comfortable around him despite his greatness)
+ Played against many USCAA teams that featured female players (he’s prepared to face WNBA players on the opposing team)
+ Once got suspended for an entire half because he ran onto the court during a regulation USCAA Woman’s Volleyball game and spiked the ball (he’s a beast at any sport)
+ Has been training for this game with the help of fellow comedian Artie Lange.
1. Congressional Filibuster
2. Jumpshot Gerald
3. 2% Milk
4. The Guy Who’s Dating Your Mom
Just…no. More after the jump or at the source.